i think i have herpe
just one?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
