At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
