Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Are my feet made of real feet?
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
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How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why are your pants in the freezer?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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