I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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