either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
