woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
