the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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