yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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