Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
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My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
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I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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