I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
