Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
