how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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