I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
how drunk are you?
Several
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
