I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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