Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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