69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
