but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
