please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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