i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
