I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
