im so drunk with asians
where?
always
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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