How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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