i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
