She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
