Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
