If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
