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if i can run in heels then i can drive
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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