i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
