i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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