i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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