Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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