I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
