Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
