I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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