remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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