susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
