loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
