Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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