so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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