You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
