I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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