Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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