what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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