i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
