I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
