bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
