And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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