so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
