someone get that fucking seahorse.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
