No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
