If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
