I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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