I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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