dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
