Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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