You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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