Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize