Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
whose parrot is this?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
