The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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