Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
