i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
