Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
