they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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