are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
