he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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