i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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