I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
