You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
