grandma shit on top of the toilet
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
