that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
