Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
