You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
