it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
