i think my tv is drunk
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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