She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Panties = found
Randomize
