Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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